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clouds of quest

Character.....what a weird looking word. I have been thinking lately about my character. Who I think I am does not really match up to who I actually am. There are several things going on in my life that bring up the question. Who am I really? Over the last few years I have been slowly chipping away at my morality and what it is I hold to be true. It started out as an experiment into understanding my dogmatic beliefs. I really do believe that's how it started, but somewhere it became not so much of an experiment but rather who I was. I am also easily influenced by the people I surround myself with. Its not to say that my current friends are not good people, or of strong character. Its more so that I have developed bad habits and mentalities that hinder my progress as a "good person", which I can directly identify in my friends. Now that might be passing blame onto other people as to why I am failing. I am merely trying to identify factors in my environment and thinking that have caused this degradation. I think the most difficult part of all this is to actually pin down what it is that I am uncomfortable about. I think it has to do with my lack of respect and or love for other people. How do I become less selfish and less of an asshole?

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( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
chesterxrumble
Feb. 5th, 2011 09:27 pm (UTC)
everything you've just said is the exact way I've felt, you just found words for it.

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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sweetoldlady
the same person as the last
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